


Lonely

by Katalyna_Rose



Series: Kahlia Mahariel [12]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Post-Blight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 17:24:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12686790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katalyna_Rose/pseuds/Katalyna_Rose
Summary: DWC Prompt for Mahariel/Zevran - “ It’s lonely here without you. ” From @funkypoacher on tumblrEven though years have passed since the Hero of Ferelden gave her life to stop the Blight, Zevran can’t seem to move on. When the night is too quiet and sleep is nowhere to be found, he spends time with his memories.





	Lonely

Zevran tossed and turned in bed, restless and agitated. He punched his pillow more out of frustration than anything else since it was too flat for fluffing. It didn’t help and with a groan he got up and stoked the fire. His tiny apartment in Antiva City was almost as empty as the lodging he’d been given as a Crow, but this time it was by choice. All the luxuries he could afford would only make him feel hollow, empty, because he couldn’t share them.

There was a pair of gloves that he kept on the table beside his bed. As he always did on nights like this one, he picked them up and then settled before the fire, gently stroking the leather. He would never wear the gloves, though they fit. He would never risk that they would be damaged like that. It was probably silly to have good, useful gloves and never wear them, but he couldn’t help it. Like the boots he hadn’t worn since he’d last been in Denerim, they had been a gift.

“It’s been three years now,” he whispered to the gloves as though they could connect him to the person who had given them to him with a shy smile and unwavering insistence. “Three years since Denerim. I tried to stay busy today so I wouldn’t have time to think about it. I hate anniversaries, you know. No matter what the occasion, they are nothing more than a reminder that you are getting older, the world passing around you even as certain things remain the same.”

The flames flickered, a log popped loudly and sparks few up into the chimney. The heat of it and his own strong memories could have almost convinced him that slender but strong arms would wrap around him from behind. He closed his eyes and remembered the soft, wild orange hair that would fall over his shoulder as she leaned down to steal a kiss. Both of them would be in some state of undress since she never wore her hair down unless she was well loved and they were alone.

“I never knew why you hated your hair so much,” he told the flames as he opened his eyes. “It was so soft, a beautiful and chaotic mess. Not unlike you! Ah, mi amor, you were so young. Yet your eyes held the wisdom of ages. You were always so full of contradictions. And laughter! You loved to laugh… I loved to hear you laugh and to make you laugh. You were beautiful when your eyes crinkled in the corners and your head tilted back like that.”

A smile tugged at his lips, the first in a very long time. He gazed at the gloves again, the tips of his fingers tracing the embroidery. The symbols meant something, he was sure, but he didn’t know what. “You would be disappointed in me, I think. You would have wanted me to move on and find some way to be better, to leave the world better than I found it.” A lump rose in his throat and he blinked back the stinging in his eyes. “But I can’t. I know you would hate me if I simply let my enemies kill me. But I’m not ready to move on. I’m not sure I ever will be. You were… I thought I knew love with Rinna, forbidden though it was, but I was wrong. But I love you still. It doesn’t matter how briefly I had you or how it ended. I love you and the deepest regret of my whole life is that I didn’t tell you every day from the moment the thought first crossed my mind.”

With shaking hands, Zevran put the gloves down beside him, afraid he would damage them in his distress. “I want nothing because I cannot share it with you. I cannot touch another the way I touched you. Kahlia, mi preciosa, mi amor… It is so lonely here without you.” He wrapped his arms around his knees and stared into the fire, waiting for exhaustion to take him.


End file.
